You Don't Have to Empty Your Mind to Meditate
You sat down to meditate. You tried to follow your breath and let your thoughts float past like clouds without grabbing onto them. Within about forty seconds you were thinking about the email you forgot to send. Then you noticed you were thinking about it. Then you got annoyed that you'd noticed. By minute three you'd decided you were doing it wrong, and that meditation is something that works for other people, but definitely not for you.
I hear similar stories from women all the time. They tell me they've tried meditation and it’s not for them. That their brain won't settle, or that they're too busy or too wired to do it properly. They say it a little sheepishly, as though it’s a personal failing.
Except you didn't fail at anything. You were handed one narrow version of a very large thing, told it was the whole thing, and left to assume the problem was you.
Why meditation feels so hard
The version most of us were handed goes roughly like this: sit still, empty your mind, and arrive at some smooth, untroubled state where nothing gets to you. It's a lovely idea, but for a lot of midlife women it's also a trap.
The mind you bring to the meditation cushion is the same mind that's responsible for running the house, showing up at the job, caring for the kids, pets, and parents. It’s the same mind that wakes you at 4am with a list of things you really must get around to. Telling that mind to empty itself in the ten minute window you’ve carved out is like running a marathon and expecting your heart rate to drop to resting the moment you stop.
The problem is that many of us have confused meditation with having no thoughts.
Meditation is not the absence of thought. It's the practice of returning your attention.
You can do that through stillness and breath work. You can do it through movement. You can do it through a guided meditation. You can do it while walking, gardening, knitting, or washing dishes.
The form matters far less than the function. The question isn't whether your mind wanders. Every mind wanders. The question is whether you've found a practice that helps you gently come back.
What guided meditation can do
I create guided meditations for a living, so I understand their value. I've never once asked anyone to “empty their mind” because I don't think that's easily achievable, and it isn’t how I work either. I’m not someone who drifts through her day in a haze of calm. I’ve got a busy brain and a to-do list like anyone else.
What I’ve seen, again and again, is that the right words at the right moment can change everything. It’s less about stopping your thoughts and more about giving your mind somewhere gentler to rest. A reminder of what matters. A way back to yourself when you've become tangled in everyone else's needs, expectations, and opinions.
A guided meditation can feel less like an impossible instruction and more like being met where you are.
Meditation isn’t one size fits all
Any activity that helps anchor you in the present moment can function as meditation.
For some women meditation is about solitude, stillness and breath work, and that's wonderful. For others it's a few minutes of guidance that steers them closer to their own inner compass and feels more like a pep talk than a blank mind.
Both are meditation. Neither one is more advanced or more spiritual than the other. So the real question isn’t whether you're any good at meditation, it’s whether you’ve found a style of meditation that suits you.
This is the reason I create Touchstones, personalized meditations built especially for you. When creating a Touchstone, I factor in the time of day that you’re most likely to listen and I use language that resonates with you. You decide what you want to focus on and I help steer your mind back to that focal point.
Clients have used them to begin their day with self-compassion instead of fear-based looping thoughts. They use them to prioritize what matters when external noise gets loud. They use them to set down the invisible mental load for a few minutes and rest without having to earn it. They use them to reconnect with their confidence when they hit a block around purpose, direction, or identity.
“I’d tried meditation on and off for many years, but I could never get into any sort of regular practice or make it stick - until I tried Skylar’s Touchstone. Her concept appealed to me because it was a personalized approach and not a generic offering I’d have to search for in an app. I thought that might make the difference and I was right.” - Lori Scinto
Returning to your own knowing
If you’ve spent years believing your brain is too wired to meditate, it’s time to change the definition, not your mind. You don’t need to sit in perfect, empty silence to find your center. You need a practice that gives your attention somewhere to return.
That is what meditation can be. A powerful way back to who you are.
If you’d like a guided meditation that’s tailor made for you, I can help you with a Touchstone. It’s an anchor that will help you focus on what’s important to you so you can enjoy more ease and less stress.