Why We Tell Ourselves "The Lie of Later"

Have you ever found yourself putting off something you want to do until a later time when you think you'll feel ready?

I'm not talking about tasks or projects you're procrastinating over, but things you secretly long to bring into being. Maybe it's the business you promise yourself you'll launch when the kids are older. Or the career change you'll make when you feel more confident. Perhaps you say you'll be visible in certain circles once you have more credentials.

But if you've been telling yourself "I'll get to this later" for two years, that's 730 days of deferring your dreams.

I call this the Lie of Later. And I've told myself this lie more times than I can count.

Something I've learned from working with hundreds of midlife women is that the perfect moment you're patiently waiting for doesn't exist.

Why We Tell Ourselves the Lie of Later

The Lie of Later isn't the same as giving yourself time to prepare or organize. Preparation can be essential in building confidence, creating structure, and setting the stage for what comes next. There's nothing wrong with taking the time you need to get ready.

The Lie of Later is different. It's when you keep postponing, keep waiting for ideal conditions that will never arrive. It's when you blame a series of obstacles for why you can't begin, when really you're just afraid to start. Later becomes the excuse that keeps you from taking up space, from being seen, from doing what matters to you.

We like the lie because it feels protective. It's less scary to believe that some future date will see you entirely put together and absolutely certain of yourself. You imagine that you'll glide through the hard stuff with ease, totally unruffled (And if you're like me, you probably have perfect hair and a killer outfit in this fantasy...)

But later is a mirage that keeps on moving. There's always one more qualification you need, another sign you're waiting for, some final proof that you're ready.

Meanwhile, you're watching other women do the thing you want to do, telling yourself they must be braver or more qualified or just different somehow. But they're not different - they simply got started.

What Later Actually Looks Like

I used to think that as I got older, I'd handle uncertainty differently. That years of accumulated experience would create a wisdom and tenacity that would cushion me from fear or doubt. That I'd someday become this calm, centered woman who could detach from discomfort and know the perfect way to handle any given situation.

I'm 51 now. That magical transformation still hasn't happened. What I've learned instead is that the woman who'll feel truly ready doesn't exist. And that's why I stopped waiting to become her.

The Real Cost

Every day you defer what matters to you, you're choosing to stay a little smaller. A little less visible. A little less you.

The business idea you've been refining for three years? Maybe you already know enough to start. The creative work you'll get to "when things settle down"? Can you think of a time when life has ever been fully settled?

As for the old classic "I'll be more visible when I feel more confident" - confidence comes from doing the thing, not before it.

This is why the lie of later might be costing you the life you want.

What I See in My Work

Women typically come to me during threshold moments. As they're navigating the space between now and next. Often, they're tentatively exploring transitions that ask them to become visible in new ways. It can feel exciting, but sometimes exposing.

I recently had a client who came to me after taking a sabbatical from her corporate career. She'd spent the entire year preparing to launch her own business - perfecting her website and building her brand. But when the sabbatical ended, she found herself frozen. She kept finding one more thing she needed to do before she could go live with her work.

During our consultation, she shared: "I think I've been preparing so I never have to begin."

That's the Lie of Later in its purest form. The future self who'll be more capable and more deserving doesn't exist. She's a story we tell ourselves to stay safe.

What unlocked for this woman wasn't that I told her she was ready. It was that she heard herself speak her truth aloud, maybe for the first time. Her inner knowing finally came to the surface.

She realized the woman she'd been waiting to become had been there all along.

What Beginning Actually Requires

In reality, you're probably not going to wake up one morning feeling certain about the thing you've been deferring. The doubts will still be there, along with the fear and all those reasonable excuses for why now isn't quite the right time.

What has to change is your willingness to begin anyway. Later doesn't make any of this easier. It just means you're older when you finally start, with more years of "what if" behind you.

What small (or big) step can you take today that moves you closer to what you're longing for? One action that creates momentum you can build on?

Don't wait for the future version of yourself who'll feel ready. She's not coming. You're as prepared now as you'll ever be.

If you're ready to stop living the lie of later, Elevations can help. They’re personalized meditations I create based on your current circumstances and future goals. Learn more about Elevations.