Five Years Sober: The Unexpected Gifts of Letting Alcohol Go

This month marks five years since I chose to stop drinking.

I didn’t make a big deal of it at the time. There wasn’t a fanfare or any kind of public declaration. Just a private commitment to see what life might look like on the other side of that nightly glass of wine.

When I first began exploring sobriety in midlife, I was feeling my way through unfamiliar territory. I didn't know if I'd stick with it and I was more than a little afraid of what I'd discover. I certainly didn't expect the ways this single choice would reshape my relationship with myself.

Now, at 51, with five years of clarity behind me, I can see gifts I never anticipated.

Liberation FROM ATTACHMENT

I spent years binge-drinking before I eventually dwindled down to a nightly glass of wine. Mostly because my body couldn’t process more than that. Since it was only one glass I’d tell myself that it wasn’t a big deal. But it was a big deal when I couldn’t have it.

I was carrying a low-level anxiety about alcohol all the time. Did we have wine at home? Would I need to stop on the way back from somewhere? If we were going to someone's house, would they have wine available? And if they didn't, how would I manage that feeling of being slightly on edge?

I was attached to that glass in a way that made me uncomfortable when I actually paid attention to it.

I’d always told myself that wine helped me relax. That it was my way of unwinding after a long day. But the perceived relaxation was brief, and the anxiety it created was constant. I was managing a habit, not genuinely giving my body a break.

It felt strange to open up that space at first. Dinner seemed incomplete. But to my surprise, and in less time than I’d anticipated, I was able to let go of the habit and enjoy nourishing my body with good food and not depleting it with a chemical cocktail.

I'm no longer spending mental energy making sure I have alcohol on hand. That freedom feels bigger than I expected.

ENGAGING FULLY WITH LIFE

Although I wasn't using alcohol to get drunk anymore, even that one glass blurred the edges slightly.

I wouldn't read in the evenings when I was drinking because I couldn't focus properly on a book. And I love reading. So I was choosing wine over something that genuinely brought me joy and engagement.

I was much more likely to put on a show and tune out than be present with anything creative or challenging.

What I've discovered in these five years is how much more fully I can engage with my life when nothing is dulling my senses. My thinking is sharper. My awareness extends further. I'm actually present for my evenings instead of just numbing my way through them.

Sleep Quality I'd Been Sabotaging

This was a big one. I've dealt with poor sleep patterns for years, and perimenopause made it worse. I kept convincing myself that wine would help me relax into sleep, even though I knew the science showed otherwise.

That's the power of marketing and the romanticized myths we absorb. Even when we know better, we convince ourselves that what we want to do is without repercussion.

Alcohol might initiate sleep, but it disrupts sleep quality throughout the night as your body metabolizes it. You're less likely to get the REM sleep you need and more likely to wake up still feeling fatigued.

I still have to be mindful about sleep hygiene as I move into menopause. Unfortunately I’m no stranger to 4am. But I'm not actively choosing to ingest something I know will make my sleep worse.

Confidence Without a Crutch

When I was drinking, alcohol went hand in hand with social situations. I'd even drink something I didn't particularly like rather than have nothing at all if my options were limited. As an introvert, alcohol felt like a magical potion that could transform me into someone more outgoing.

I remember being at a retreat once where no alcohol was allowed. I felt on edge about it at first, but I soon forgot I wasn't drinking because I was so engrossed in connecting with people on a deeper level. It opened up an opportunity to go beyond the superficial that I might not have experienced otherwise.

I've had to navigate many social situations since becoming alcohol-free. My confidence has genuinely improved now that alcohol is no longer a prop. I'm not hiding behind anything and I've come to accept and celebrate my often-sensitive self rather than feel I have to rely on booze to slip into character. I don't need to be the biggest personality in the room because I'm not that person. I get to consistently be who I truly am and it’s such a joy to feel at ease with that fact.

LAYING THE FOUNDATIONS FOR ELDERHOOD

These middle years feel crucial for laying foundations for the next chapters of life and, hopefully, eventually becoming an elder.

I no longer have the nagging feeling that I'm sabotaging my long-term health. When I go to the doctor, it feels good to check the "Not Applicable" box next to questions about alcohol consumption.

I make better food choices too. When I was drinking, I’d crave sugar. I’d always have chocolate with wine which meant I was getting sugar in the alcohol itself, plus more sugar on top of that, and then wondering why I couldn’t sleep.

Without alcohol, I usually opt for foods that aren’t going to put my system under more stress. Do I always make the healthy choice? No, because I’m human and after years of disordered eating I no longer punish myself by equating food with morality. But mostly I do opt for foods that support me, and that’s easier when my judgment isn’t impaired and I don’t have additional sugar circulating in my system triggering cravings.

Sobriety as Legacy

I believe in legacy as a living practice - the small, daily choices we make create the pattern of our lives.

Choosing sobriety is one thread in that pattern. The quality of presence I bring to my days. The authenticity I offer in my relationships. The clarity I have when making decisions about my work, my time, my energy. These things matter to me and I hope they have an impact on the people I connect and interact with. These are gifts that keep revealing themselves, five years in.

If You're Curious…

Maybe you're reading this and feeling a spark of yearning about what your life might look like if you changed your relationship with alcohol.

I'm not here to tell you what to do, but I’d definitely encourage you to get curious about the conversation your body might be trying to have with you now.

Five years ago, I couldn't imagine what this choice would open up for me. I was simply willing to explore what might be on the other side of my attachment. That willingness changed everything.

(If personalized support would help you establish new patterns around alcohol or any other midlife transition, learn more about Elevations here.)

If you’ve explored sobriety - even briefly - what gifts did you find along the way?