The "Undetectable" Facelift: When Looking Natural Costs $300,000
A recent article in The Cut shares something unsettling happening in affluent circles: women in their 40s are getting $45,000 to $300,000 facelifts designed to be so subtle that friends can only sense something has changed, not identify what. The goal, as one surgeon puts it, is to look "genetically dominant to other people."
I’m sorry, what?
The article describes how elite facelifts have spread "like a contagion" through social networks. Anne Kavanagh gets her procedure after seeing her friend's natural-looking results. Sandy Leong attends a wedding, sees Kris Jenner's work in person, and starts planning her own surgery.
But these women aren't just changing their faces. They're changing the visual landscape everyone else has to navigate.
The trend toward undetectable cosmetic procedures represents a depressing evolution in how we're marketed to as midlife women. The industry has recognized that we've grown sophisticated enough to reject the hair-pulled-back-too-tight look of previous decades. So now they're offering us something that sounds better: procedures so subtle that people will just think we look "rested" or "refreshed."
What's definitely detectable is this: we're still being told our faces need fixing.
I have to say, the messaging is brilliant in its manipulation. It acknowledges our desire to look natural while still convincing us that our natural faces aren't acceptable as they are.
Face-Lift Funds Are a Thing
The "undetectable" facelift promises to give us back our younger faces without anyone knowing we've had work done. But in reality, we're being sold the idea that the best possible outcome is to look like we haven't aged, while pretending we haven't done anything to achieve this impossible standard.
I got chills (not the good kind) when I read that women are refinancing mortgages and opening high-interest credit cards to fund these procedures. Online forums even offer tips for building "face-lift funds" in high-yield savings accounts. The message seems to be that if you can't afford to stop visibly aging, you can't afford to be seen.
What if instead of pursuing cosmetic work that passes the society scrutiny check, we pursued the revolutionary idea of accepting our own aging faces?
What if we stopped viewing the lines around our eyes as problems to solve and started seeing them as evidence of laughter, concentration, or decades of animated expression?
Personally, I'd prefer to acknowledge and appreciate what my body has done for me, rather than cataloging what I need to (subtly, of course!) refresh.
Look Like Yourself, Only “Better”
This trend is particularly calculated because it preys on our desire to age "naturally" while still maintaining that natural aging is unacceptable. These procedures cost more than most people's annual salaries, require significant recovery time, and carry real risks. But they're marketed as self-care-style investments in looking "like yourself, only better."
The fact is, I already look like myself. As do you. And "better" is nothing but a moving target designed to keep us all spending. I'm over being over it.
I feel as though I always have to add the caveat that I'm not here to shame anyone who chooses cosmetic procedures. Our faces are our own, and our choices about them are personal. As I often say, I'm here to challenge the culture, not criticize the individual.
But I’m also here to question why we're being sold increasingly elaborate ways to hide the fact that we're alive and have been for five, six, seven or more decades. Is it really so terrible for our faces to tell the truth about our lives? For allowing people to see that we've experienced summers in the sun, times of worry, moments of pure joy, and the simple but oh-so-privileged act of literally staying alive?
When we choose to age without interventions, we're making a statement: that women over 40, 50, 60 and beyond don't need to pretend to be younger to be valuable or beautiful.
Saggier and Sexier
One of my favorite comments on a recent post I shared about What I Stopped Buying When I Stopped Buying Into Anti-Aging was this: "Never felt sexier, never been saggier! At 55 I am free to just be, pleased for good health, strength and wiser thoughts."
As soon as I read that, I immediately thought "These are the kind of women I want in my circle." And I really do. I want to be surrounded by aging crones who care more about how they live than what they look like. I want the kind of vibrant energy that can only appear once we've escaped from under the rubble of Never Good Enough.
Something specific I’ve noticed over the last few years is how differently I feel when I’m in company with women who aren’t tearing themselves to pieces. My instant feeling is one of relief. We simply get to be together and focus on things that aren’t tied to the pursuit of youth.
I haven’t got the time or energy to spend hours, or even minutes, running through a list of the latest “miracle” creams or “age-defying” treatments. I simply don’t care. Not anymore. Not because I’ve let myself go. But because I’ve let go of the world’s judgments on what constitutes a worthy woman.
Last year in LA, I snapped the photo that's with this post - sitting in a garden with the sun on my face, a sweet pup beside me, having just enjoyed a delicious lunch. I felt completely nourished and content. And yes, my skin is slack and my neck is sagging, but none of that mattered. I felt enough.
My Face, My Story
I've survived a string of difficult things in my life. There were a couple of decades of partying far too hard and being intimately acquainted with cheap Pinot Grigio, Marlboro Reds, and London bad-boys. (Thank you, Universe, for no social media existence to document any of that.)
Then there was a failed marriage, a long dance with bulimia, a severe and serious attack of pancreatitis, and some fun times with my friends Anxiety and Depression.
More recently, I had a brain tumor that rocked my world and left me with lingering side effects.
But you know what? I made it. I'm still here. Still living. With my 51-year-old face and body showcasing all of that and more. I have scars and stories that will never be concealed because by doing so I would erase the chapters of my life that shaped me into the woman I am today. And I happen to really like her.
The beauty industry will keep evolving its messaging. They'll find new ways to sell us the same fundamental lie: that aging is optional, and if we're smart enough, rich enough, or subtle enough, we can opt out.
Not falling for it.
Your face doesn't need to be genetically dominant. It just needs to be genuinely yours.
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What are your thoughts on the rise of “undetectable” facelifts? I'm curious how you're navigating the pressure to look “natural” while still appearing younger. Please share in the comments.