Ten (Loving) Things I Want to Tell You
I've never really been one to celebrate Valentine's Day, at least not in the traditional way that centers romance. But I do very much believe in love, and I wanted to share some loving things with you today…
Your relationship status does not define you. It never has. You are a whole person.
Hallmark and Hollywood culture sell us the idea of a happy ending (almost all of them revolve around being “rescued” by a man). Not all endings are happy and not everyone is interested in men.
I have been married for (almost!) eight years. I was also happily single for many years and had a number of highly unhealthy relationships in between. I am not “better” or “worse” depending on who I’m partnered or not partnered with (re-read No.1)
Your body is beautiful. Yes, even as it’s aging. Yes, even at whatever weight it is. Yes, scars and stretch marks and signs of living very much included.
I often think the most lovable things about a person are the parts they try to hide. The shame they think is born from something unforgivable. The fear they think is insurmountable or theirs to carry alone. There is so much to love about our humanness (aka our human mess) and I appreciate it hugely when someone is brave enough to be vulnerable.
Your grief at the loss of what once was, be it a relationship, your youth, or something so personal and inexplicable it almost slices your breath away when you think of it, is real and valid. Go gently.
The world will never not need your art. Or your joy.
You deserve to be seen as you are. Without pressure to mercilessly edit yourself into a more refined version of a person you think might be more acceptable to everyone else, but who you barely recognize as you.
Sometimes self-love looks a lot like boundaries. Place yours accordingly.
Nothing has to change for you to be worthy of love. Not a damn thing.